Rave: AB

Oh my gosh, I can die happy now.

I took off work yesterday and headed 30 miles south to the orange
county fair. I've been to the fair probably over 10 times. and this was
definitely the best one ever. quite possibly in the entire history of
the fair.

before we even got in the gates some nice old couple gave the 4 of us 2
free tickets, so we got in for half price, a fantastic way to start a
fantastic evening. i was sure it was my good karma from bringing 3
people who had never been to the fair.

we got in, took some pictures in front of retarded grape signs and
headed off to eat some australian battered potatoes... the thing about
the fair is that it changes enough to be interesting, but everything is
always the same. and even though i hadn't been for an entire year i
knew exactly where the potato shack was. the potatos are basically why
i go every year, they've been a favorite of mine since before i
realized that deep frying is the best method of cooking ever. and i got
to share my potatos.

on our way to the potatos we passed by a curious sign though. it was
the kind they have in department stores with a metal frame that holds a
small poster sized piece of cardboard advertising sales, or in the case
of robinsons-may it holds the picture of the store manager. this sign
however, and the 5 others we saw, informed us that if we wanted to come
back friday we could meet the great Arnold, governor of this lovely
state. I of course made my usual 10 second tirade about how he should
be fixing the budget and letting kids go to college instead of hanging
out and eating potatos. and then quickly forgot about him because there
was only one man on my mind, and boy is he a man.

I am more in love with Alton Brown now than I was 24 hrs ago. If only
he wasn't married.

We passed by the stage that Alton was going to be at when we got there
at like 3:30-4:00, there was some band singing oldies songs, i thought
there were suspiciously a lot of people there for that show. but i
never would have guessed they were waiting for Alton. Then we ate our
potatos, looked through the children's room and came back out to see
mobs of people around the stage 50 minutes before his scheduled time of
5:30. So i let my friends go have fun, and i set out to find myself a
vantage point. no amount of $1 rides (before 6 on thurs) or corndogs
was going to make up for me not being able to see alton. and after
unsuccessfully looking for an actual seat (you'd think one person would
be able to squeeze in somewhere) i found the best spot ever. it took a
little while, and a little squeezing in where someone a few inches
taller wouldn't have dared. but i managed to make my way to the corner
of the stage behind a little old lady who was shorter than me, and some
35ish lady who was definitely legal midget status, although she was
porportioned like a regular person. Then half way though the show the
little old lady had enough, and i got her spot at the stage!! i was so
ready to die happy.

So, after standing in my cramped bit of space for 45 mins, Alton comes
out, and everyone forgets their troubles. Or at least i do. He comes
out and takes a video of the whole crowd cheering with his camera phone
and tells us all that in a week we should be on his website. Isn't he
cute! oh yeah, you know how on tv he's always wearing a hawaiian shirt,
or a bowling shirt to match his retro kitchen accessories. he wasn't.
he was wearing a white shirt and a kilt. the boy was wearing a skirt.
and i have to say that at one point he was close enough that i could
have looked up his kilt, but i managed to stop myself. apparently it's
something called a utilikilt www.utilikilts.com. and they're popular
with a certain crowd. When asked why he was wearing a kilt he said,
"Because I have great legs," and indeed he does for someone who turns
42 today.

So he starts off with like a monologue, about him coming to the fair,
and last year's fair (apparently he was here last year and i just
didn't know) and he's being cute and charming, self-depricatingly funny
and generally someone i definitley want to know, and have children
with... and i was in heaven. then he starts making fun of people in the
audience, they ugly stuffed dog on the floor, the guy with the mohawk,
the lady with the fringy parasol. i totally puffed out my chest,
because i found the perfect use for my "talk nerdy to me shirt" (not
that i really needed help, because the t-shirt for being so dumb fits
me awfully well). but alas, he didn't notice me. but my friends made me
feel better when i told them this later by saying, it was because he
thought i was cute that he didn't make fun of me, and you don't make
fun of people when you're staring at their chest. (unless you're the
lady we passed who was wearing the hat that said "got tits," and yes
she did.

then he started "cooking" there wasn't anything special. in fact, i
wasn't really impressed at all. he had to use grapes, because the fair
was grape themed. he did make a grape smoothie with frozen grapes,
muscat wine and mint that i might try. but grape gazpacho, that's just
retarded no matter if the man i love is making it or not.
he got some kid volunteer to help him make the crust for his no-bake
grape cobbler. it didn't look horrible, but it didn't look great. and
this fat nerdy kid who wore a fanny pack with hand sanitizer dangling
from the outside that alton made fun of was just in heaven. it was
cute. then he picked some cute, very orange county type 35ish lady to
help stir/melt some butter and brown sugar. he let her drink some of
the grape smoothie, out of his glass! that's practically like kissing
him! or so they say in carls jr commercials. anyway, she poured her
mixture on top of his thing. then she held the pan while alton scraped
out the last bits. and he called her a "limber vixen." that's like my
fantasy. me and alton cooking together, he scrapes out the pan, he
calls me a "limber vixen" and then we really go test out how limber i
am. if i was on stage with him, i probably would have just melted.
dropped the hot pan on my foot and had to go to the hospital where
alton would come visit me and then we'd get married.
his live show was even more fun than his tv show. for lots of reasons
i'm sure. it was also a bit more raw. he made a lot of drinking jokes
and was just a bit less polished and family friendly, nothing actually
dirty though. there were kids. in fact one group had a sign that read
"alton, you could out cook bobby flay in your sleep" he took the sign
as a souvenir, then made a joke about if anyone had a sign for him that
said that about a "mr. lagasse"

after his demo he had a Q&A. and there were Alton freaks like there are
comic book/sci fi freaks. it was awesome. 2 of the nerdiest possibly
guys were there asking very technical questions regarding one aspect of
one show. unfortunately they weren't so attractive (the way you'd
imagine), and meeting them would not have made a good alton substitute.
anyway, like a good fan, i was carring his book around, hoping he would
sign it. but apparently everyone else was too. the autograph line
started in the back, and i was in the front. people were actually
standing in the line while the show was happening. if i wanted to stand
there for 3 hrs i probably could have had my book signed. but i wasn't
that crazy, i'd already wif he comes back next year, i'll know to stand
in the line first, since i've already seen him up close. he comes out
with a baking book in october. that is the most exciting news i've
heard since i learned he'd be at the fair.

so after his thing was over i gave up on the autograph line and went to
see the zebra, i didn't believe there was a zebra, but there was, and
it wasn't just a painted stripey horse, it was a real zebra. the
saddest zebra i'd ever seen, stuck in a cage in the petting zoo.
petting zoos are for farm animals, goats, sheep, pigs, chickens... even
alpacas, but not zebras. it was cool to see a zebra, but he made me
sad. then i got a fried twinkie to try to east my sorrows, because a
budwiser (fair sponsor) just wasn't going to cut it. and it was good.
the first fried twinkie i've had. it was VERY lightly battered, and had
a little strawberry jelly on top. it stopped tasting like a twinkie and
was more like a donut. the filling was all melty, and much better than
the room temperature cream filling.

after this we went back, and the alton line hadn't gotten any shorter.
so we got up close took a picture "with" him when he turned around and
went on our way. i was able to drown my sorrows in a blue icee, because
in southern california we're civilized and have lots of blue food to
choose from.

Last night I dreamed of Alton. we were at the fair, at the same stage,
but i was standing on the aisle in the back row. and he does that
celebrity running thing where he's jogging by touching hands with
everyone on the aisles. so he does that all the way down. and stops at
me, and since i'm at the end he just starts talking to me and he's
smart and charming and funny.... He's wearing his usual hawaiian shirt
and pants. and that's pretty much the dream. I'm just giddy to be
talking to him. ahhhhh.....

i realize now that i should have waited in the autograph line. i could
have gotten him to sign my ass and then have it tattoed on. then i
could be a care bear on one cheek and a cabbage patch kid on the other.

i'm still giddy. i was *this* close to Alton. yea! it was the best
thing ever. like if zack were to get a swimming pool full of cane sugar
dr. pepper while everyone else in the world had a glass full of mr.
pibb.

Metallic Orange

I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but there is a new car color on the market and it's metallic orange. My theory on car colors is that cars should be metallic. White, and black to a lesser extent are not good car colors because they don't shine in the sun. Metallic orange is really going too far though. My favorite color is dark gray. I've never called cars sexy before, but nice sleek dark gray cars really are.

It took me a while to decide my opinion on this orange color. In the beginning I saw far too few of them. But now, i've decided. It's the color of metallic vomit. There's a guy who works in my warehouse who drives one. How an 18 year old can afford a shiny new car I don't know. But maybe I should have bought him a pound of the vomit jelly bellys to match his car.

Blue

Does south-northern calif. have something against blue?

I tried to buy a blue icee at bonfante gardens, there were 2 kiosks that sold strawberry and cherry. 2 red flavors, that never happens! and the strawberry icee is definitely the worst flavor ever. much worse than candy cane.

then i tried to buy a blue snow cone at the garlic festival. silly me assuming that the 2 most likely colors are red and blue. luckily they didn't try to sell me a garlic snow cone, and they had bubble-gum, but it was pink.

I think by signing some pact with the devil to give up flourescent blue food gilroy got the right to have more vanity license plates than should be in a small town.

Cool computer product

http://atxcases.com/Cases/devilcat.htm

i acted too soon and bought a computer that doesn't fit.

Gilroy outlets

 
I didn’t get to fully experience the wonder of the Gilroy outlets because we wanted to try to get home at a reasonable hour. But I will tell you about the 2 shops I bought stuff in:

Jelly belly outlet:
They had 3 different bags of belly flops. 2 were the boring fruit flavors and 1 was all garlic (uggh!) so I decided against them. They were also selling all the harry potter jelly beans in the individual containers the way they do at candy stores. You could buy a full pound or more of just vomit, or dirt or earwax. I thought about asking if anyone buys them when they’re not in a cute little harry potter box, but I thought I would be happier if I didn’t know the answer. I managed to escape the brightly colored wonderland only buying $3 worth of jelly beans. None of which involved harry potter or garlic.

Easy Spirit

Most of you know what ugly shoes I usually wear. Mostly sneakers every day at Berkeley. This is because I have very low tolerance for foot pain. I managed to find a new pair of sneakers I liked for only $40. I would have bought 2, but they only had one in my size. Also I bought a very comfortable pair of sandals that aren’t very attractive. But they’re starting to grow on me. They’re beige colored and look a lot better with the khakis I’m wearing today than they did at the store.

There was also an In-and-out. It may have been the fastest one I’ve ever been to.

 Conclusion: insufficient data

Garlic Festival

It was HOT at the garlic festival. Like 90 degrees with little shade. But that wasn’t really their fault. Also, there was a lot of traffic, but that wasn’t their fault either. It actually was surprisingly well run. You park in a huge lot and get shuttled to the fair entrance. The line for the shuttle was long, but went quickly. And the shuttle was a full on charter bus with plush seats and A/C. Not some rinky dink school bus.  There were plenty of lines to buy tickets to get in, and I didn’t have to wait at all. The food lines looked long, but the booths were so well run that it didn’t take long at all. It was a miracle that such a well run fair could spring up in the middle of nowhere. But I guess they’ve had years of practice.

And the thing about the middle of nowhere is that people are friendly. Usually I’m suspicious of friendly, but since I had driven around enough to see just how isolated Gilroy is I could understand. They were all just happy not to have to look at the same 20 faces they see day in and day out. The guy who sold me the garlic shot glass seemed genuinely interested in where I was from and my trip to the bonfante gardens. I guess they get bored. Another thing to support this theory is that most people have super nice, new houses. But we passed this one run down shacky place that had 3 satellite dishes. They knew what was important tv, a connection to the outside world.

I tried the garlic ice cream, and surprisingly, it didn’t make me want to die. It wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever tasted. It tasted like vanilla with a garlic after taste. Actually it wasn’t ice cream at all, it was soft serve. This seems like false advertising. Maybe I’ll get my own ice cream maker and try to make actual garlic ice cream.  The garlic jelly bellys however, were quite awful.  I was trying to figure out who I could buy a full bag of the garlic belly flops for. But I don’t hate anyone that much.

I ate a combination plate containing a garlic sausage, garlic mushrooms, garlic chicken pasta stir fry, garlic bread and garlic shrimp. I also tasted the calamari (surprisingly unbreaded and unfried), and pesto garlic pasta.  Later we passed by the fried garlic bologna sandwich booth, I wasn’t hungry, but since I read about it in the paper I had to try it. I can’t tell if it was a disappointment because I didn’t like the bread, because I expected the bread to be grilled along with the bologna, because I wasn’t hungry or if I just didn’t like it.  I have to say the most disappointing thing was the bun for the sandwich and my sausage. I don’t know why, I just didn’t like it. But that’s an awfully good sign that I didn’t like the pre-packaged food, and I liked everything they cooked there.

I saw the garlic bobblehead doll. I wanted to buy it because I read about it, but it was just so ugly that I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Poor ugly garlic man.

The biggest disappointment was that the garlic man was no where to be found. This was probably good for him, because he might have died from heatstroke, but sad for me. (meli if you have a picture with the garlic man, send it my way, I may just photoshop myself in)

We stayed shorter than I would have liked, but just about as long as we could because of the heat. Maybe if it was an ice festival we could have stayed longer.

Conclusion: fun, but I’m glad the whole trip wasn’t just for the garlic festival, that would have just been a freaking long drive.

Bonfante Gardens

Much cuter than Disneyland. Much shorter lines. Most of the park was reasonably cool and shady even though it was 90 degrees on Saturday.  Unfortunately it has many fewer princesses and much less cool souvenir stuff to buy than Disney. I’m in love. Although, I think it’s definitely a place for women and children. None of the rides are scary, and it’s awful cutesy. Probably, the only one who reads this blog who will love the park is Meli (if you haven’t seen it, go, go now!).
                 
For those of you who haven’t bothered going to the website. www.bonfantegardens.com Bonfante gardens is a theme park with an agricultural theme. The main/ first attraction was the circus trees which are really a bunch of trees grafted together to make shapes and stuff.  Michael Bonfante made them himself, was the only one who knew how, and took the secret with him to his grave. This makes him a big jerk! And I don’t like him, I hope he’s spinning in his grave about the fact that paramount is running his park and selling their crappy souvenirs.
The kiddie ride part of the park is equally great.  Most of the rides are food themed: artichoke, strawberry, apple, banana, garlic, mushroom… and unlike every other theme park in existence that makes all of their rides shiny like a carousel horse, many of these rides were matte. And they had very much attention to detail.  Fine lines, shading. The artichokes even had the little pointy tip debossed and painted. It is also the first theme park that I’ve noticed artichokes being sold, granted they were deep fried, but still impossible to imagine being anywhere else. They had a pedal boat attraction, but of course it wasn’t a regular pedal boat, they were duck pedal boats. There were mallards, yellow ducks and swans and they looked so ridiculously adorable floating around the pond.

The strangest part about the park was the total laid back California attitude. You could pretty much do whatever and nazi teenagers wearing leiderhosen or old fashioned dresses weren’t around to stop you. They didn’t offer any instructions on how to drive the pedal boat ducks, they just slapped you in a life vest and sent you on your ducky way. The park was so uncrowded that most of the rides all you had to do was wait for the current cycle to finish and you’d get right on. They made sure you were safe and that your belts and bars were all correct, but somehow it seemed to be more laid back, and that made it run more smoothly. The only thing they were picky about was the 1 adult per strawberry car limit. Even though two of us could have more than safely been under the weight limit. And the words “please keep you hands and arms inside the car at all times” were heard so very little, it was refreshing.

Another great thing about the park is that there is a small mid-way section with games and over half of them involve you winning a prize just for paying your $3. This is how we almost ended up with a car full of stuffed toys, but last second managed to talk ourselves out of it. We did, however, come home with velvety plush roses with a bendy stem.

Conclusion: go, go, GO!

Traffic Update

I try not to complain, or at least be amusing when I complain on my blog so people will still read it. But, not this time:

Traffic out of LA on Friday night was surprisingly light. Why? I can’t really tell. Maybe everyone already left for Gilroy on Thursday, because everyone in the whole freaking world seemed to be there.

Saturday morning it took us  about 90 mins to get to Bonfante gardens. It took us less than 30 minutes to get back to the hotel because we skipped the freeway and took surface streets.  We took those same streets on our way to the Garlic Festival and probably saved ourselves over an hour. 

After leaving the festival we stopped by the Gilroy outlets, unfortunately they were on the way to the freeway and there was traffic. More unfortunately, there is a highway 152 that mapquest told us to take. It’s one lane each way. And there’s a yielding thing that caused a 15 mile backup which took us a good 90 mins to get through.  So, we finally thought we were out of the woods, made it to the 5, made it to the grapevine, and there’s some major accident that makes traffic stop. Literally, people were getting out of their cars and hanging out on the freeway. And by this time it was very, very late, and we wanted to die. But no one could run over us and put us out of our traffic misery because no one could move. I got home at 1am. The trip that was supposed to take less than 5 hours took 8. Thank goodness that I don’t have to commute to work on the freeway anymore. Because I think I would rather have quit my job than face traffic again.

 Conclusion: I need a private jet.

Yahoo news: everything really is better in Japan

Eyeglasses Double as Chopsticks?

I admire their creativity, but why?

Yahoo news story: single is better

Women Say Single Life Is Better?

Maybe they're right. It's totally not worth it to get married if you have to watch sports on tv.

More t-shirts

Luckily I'm not as quick to buy things on the internet as I am when it's sitting in front of me at the store.

Girlie Men Shirts

Novel concept

I was driving to work this morning and I had just passed a truck, when I ended up stuck behind another one. But this one was different. It said "Shred-it mobile and on site document destruction" http://shredit.com/

Here's a bit from their web site:

 We provide you with the security of knowing that your confidential materials are destroyed completely – right at your doorstep. From our free locked security consoles, to our uniformed and bonded Customer Service Representatives to our mobile shredding trucks, your security is guaranteed

and i recommend this picture: http://shredit.com/why/benefits-enviro.html

who knew that existed as a service? who knew there was a large enough market for it that it can exist as a service? and why do they need such a big truck? I guess this is why I haven't struck it rich yet.

Musing: my sanity, will power and shopping habits

I am a bad person. I may actually have a medical condition of some sort, because my mom has it too. Or quite possibly it's a gender flaw. But I can't myself from buying things I don't need, or will really ever use.

A year or so ago I bought a $4 tank top from Hot Topic that reads "I *heart* shy boys." Why did i buy this? because it was cute, and cost $4. Not because I'd actually wear it. Months and months later I finally decided it was reasonable to sleep in. So I do. and I'm very proud that I was able to put my dumb purchase to use, even if you can't put it in the clothes dryer.

But yesterday, oh boy, I bought a $5.50 clearance shirt from ross. It's brown and in big white glittery lettering it says "Talk nerdy to me". This I cannot wear to sleep, because it will shed glitter in my bed, and it's not particularly soft. It's not even that attractive.

If anyone wants to match me there are at least 30 more, and they come in small, medium and large. The also have shirts that say "too young for ashton" "ashton's future crush" and "you must be this tall to ride this ride."

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, for a certain person I know who has a boyfriend named Justin, they didn't have any Justin shirts. If I had a boyfriend named Justin I probably would go out an buy the $40 shirt from urban outfitters that says "I did Justin, 3 times"

Product Review: Apple Pretz

Great!

The box is pink and has a squirrel with big pink cheeks wearing a chef hat hiding behind an apple. So I had to try it. And it's good. It tastes good, apple-y and sweet, but it smells even better. And, now that I can finally breathe through my nose again, I appreciate it even more. Maybe I'll try honey next time.

The entire box only has about 60 calories and 2 grams of fat.

Things to do if you're in LA this weekend

I can't believe so much fun is happening in one weekend. I'm going to the garlic festival in gilroy. But for those of you lucky enough to be in LA there is the tofu festival. Apparently there will be a guy dressed as the "tofu ninja" which alone seems worth the $8 admission. Huell Howser and the food network are also supposed to be there.

http://www.tofufest.org/

and lets not forget the cat olympics:

http://www.meowmix.com/newsevents/goldmedal/about.asp

i think some people i know should go to the events and give me a recap.

Mail I recieved

Yesterday I got a letter from ING Direct. that bankish thing that has a orange sphere as it's main image even though i think it actually has a lion as its logo. Apparently I've been pre-approved for.... no, not a credit card like everyone else sends me.... a mortgage. me, pre-approved for a mortgage. I've spent the last few days seriously trying to figure out how i can afford an apartment, and they want me to buy a house. Somehow they didn't mention how much of a mortgage i'm qualified for.

I want a house, more than anything, really. But it'll be a while before I can afford one. Maybe my credit line will still be there when I'm ready.

News story/ ramblings on strange cosmetic procedures

For a few years now, basically ever since I heard of it, I wanted to try botox under my arm to kill my sweat glands. I can't really justify the cost now,(or the fact that i'm willingly injecting posion into my body)   but It was on my wedding plans list. Weddings make perfect excuses for mostly everything.
 
But, this procedure could be equally as useful.  
   
  Podiatrists can plump you up for stilettos

People fattening their feet so their shoes are more comfortable. This kicks ass! I guess we've come a long way from Cinderella's stepsisters cutting off parts of their feet so they fit in her shoe.

Product Review: Clinique all-in-one base & top coat

at $9 a bottle I expect a longer lasting nailpolish. It's actually really a good consistency and makes my nails feel very strong when I'm wearing it. It just peels off too easily. And not just chip, but peel. This I thought I was over with that bonnie bell kids stuff "brush on, peel off."
 
conclusion: next time I'll buy $3 nail polish from the drug store and buy a $13.50 lipstick to push myself past the $19.50 mark for a free gift. or maybe 2 pencil sharpeners at $1 each.

Reference for gilroy trip (boring for people not going to gilroy)

http://www.bonfantegardens.com 21.99 discount online, $7 parking-- no discount, sat. hrs 10-8
 
http://www.gilroygarlicfestival.com/pages/tickets.html free parking! yea! $1 discount coupon with northern calif. pepsi cases. possibly steal stickers off cases in grocery store? hrs 10-7
 
http://marriott.com/property/propertyPage/SJCMH courtyard marriot morgan hill. indoor pool! checkout noon.
 
http://www.gilroyvisitor.org/home.asp visitors bureau
 

Retarded Stuffed Animal Pic

http://home.earthlink.net/~mndctrl/Ax2004/nyanko.jpg
 
better late than never, I guess

TV review: From Wack to Mack

I'm going to try a new labeling system, and see how I like it. It will make it easier for you to sift through my blog on those days when I post 5 times. I am worried that my newly formed creative title writing skills will once again disappear, so maybe i'll make that the first line of the body.... anyway...
 
I spent most of the weekend on the couch watching tv deciding that I was dying of tuberculosis, malaria or SARS, but somehow I managed to survive, despite all of the crap I watched. By far, the worst show I saw was MTV2's from Wack to Mack. Now, I should have gotten a clue by the fact that it's an original MTV2 series, but I didn't quite realize that until at the end of the makeover the kids said "thank you MTV2" in whatever vernacular they were using.
 
Now, I've seen a makeover show or two in my day. And in every makeover they start out somewhere between hideous and mediocre and they aways improve.  Always. Leave it to MTV2 to be on the cutting edge and take a guy from looking horrible, to making him look equally horrible, yet different. Quite possible this is because my taste runs more classic or preppie than hip hop star. But, honestly, his parents couldn't have liked his new look much more than his old one. They were just happy he chopped of his stringy disgusting long hair. And the before picture of the girl was her wearing some kind of logo tracksuit not much different than the after look of the guy. Also, they went to Jacob the jeweler, who is apparently mentioned in some kind of popular song. I didn't quite understand if they got to keep the 75 carat total diamond cross on a diamond chain or the 8 carat diamond ring and matching earrings. but, wow. those were probably the most expensive things those kids had ever touched. mtv doesn't have that kind of budget i'm sure. now that i think about it, it's pretty mean. taunting these kids with what they can't have...
 
anyway. this is a horrible show. at least the girl got a good haircut out of the deal. I think clinton and stacy need to have the learning channel call mtv and give them some advice.
 
Yes, I know I'm old. and square.
 

stop pie

an award for the best spam title today: stop pie.
it almost made me click on it to see what they were trying to sell me. almost. but who would want to stop pie. i think pie is pretty swell.
 
also, this morning i was pretty sure i was going to die of tuberculosis, even though i'm not entirely sure what it is. i think it involves coughing up your lungs or something, and that's how i felt. this means i must be on the road to recovery.
 
and, now that I'm not dying I can look for love on my next flight. http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=572&e=3&u=/nm/airlines_love_dc

Book I'm reading now:

Catfight: Women and Competition by Leora Tanenbaum

I don't recommend it. So, far i'm not quite 1/3 of the way through the 300 pages, i hope it will get better, but i doubt it. As you know, I judge books by their covers, and I seriously mis-judged this one.

I don't like being told that i'm oppressed, or being held down by the man, or whatever. I am totally privilidged, and have never felt any real effects of sexism. I can form my own opinions, thank you. The author is a woman with absolutely no self-esteem, where every guy on the street, every magazine ad, every hollywood profile makes her feel inferior. She needs to get over herself. The book is peppered with examples of her youth where she let herself feel inferior to just about everything. Unfortunately for the american public, she got over this just enough to make herself write a book, but not enough for the book to be good, or helpful to me.

Let's take a look at some of her insight:

You'd think the desire to be liked would make girls and women bloom beneath the rays of another woman's admiration. Yet the opposite is often true: We worry that admiration could lead to envy and resentment. When a female friend or colleague tells us how much she respects our work, we're inclined to say, "Oh, it's not as important as what you do." If she admires our outfit, many of us habitually respond, "This? Uch, it's just something I got on sale five years ago" or "really? you do?" the words "thank you" don't occur to us. God forbid we come across as complacent or proud.

I don't know about this "us" and "we" thing. I personally tell people thank you every time they compliment me. IT'S THE FREAKING POLITE THING TO DO! And, I believe that I deserve every compliment I get. But I don't go out of my way to get compliments, because I don't base my self worth on what other people say. And when someone compliments my outfit, i will usually say something like "thanks, i got it on sale for $10 at ross" I'm not belittling my self by saing i got it on sale, in fact i'm proud of it, and i'm offering people tips so they themselves can find a great skirt for $10.


So

Dear Leora Tanenbaum, and whoever wrote that Men are from Mars... crap,

Please, next time you feel free to categorize an entire gender, leave me out of it. I will make my own rules for myself. And I don't want to listen to you telling me about how I am.

Do you know why I'm not an astronaut? Because I had some really bad science teachers in High School that made me lose interest in science. Who's fault is this, my own, for not keeping the interest up on my own. I wasn't given bad teachers because i was female, both genders equally filled the class. Not because I don't feel like I can compete with men in a male dominated profession. And not because my lack of a penis makes me bad with figures, numbers and concrete examples.

Do you want to know why I'm not a fireperson. Because I prefer a career path based on brains rather than brawn. Not because I couldn't be strong enough if I tried. Not because it's "men's work"

Why do I not look like a supermodel? Because I choose to spend my time and money pursuing other things, like education, and having a healthy relationship to food. If my full time job was to be beautiful, then I could certainly succeed. I could excercise, I could starve myself, I would have people paid to dress me, fix my hair, fix my makeup, and I could be up on a pedestal (a tall one to make up for my height).

In the immortal words of Mattel "We girls can do anything. Right, Barbie?" And if Barbie could talk the astronaut, rock star, WWF panda protector, fashion model, presidental candidate, ballerina, teacher, army recruit, equestrian, and fantastic date would say "Abso-fucking-lutely."

Once again, please, in your writing, please change the word "women" to the phrase "women, except Cynthia and others like her"

thank you,
-------

Conclusion: gender studies is crap
Conclusion 2: It's not my fault so many women have such low self esteem. I'm doing my part.
conclusion 3: i should write a book and show these cowering jerks how it's done.

A post for Meli

Book Review: The Thoroughly Modern Married Girl: Staying Sensational After Saying "I Do" by Sarah Bliss

The spring/summer 2002 i read through a stack full of books with titles like bombshell manual of style, swell girls guide to the good life, fantastic flirty and fun, the single girl's guide to being fabulous, good fabulous pink stuff...--okay, so i've made up some of the titles. but you get the picture. there are gazillions of these books on the market. none of their content is very different from eachother, so you really should pick based on the pictures.

but i was at the library last week and saw The Thoroughly Modern Married Girl which is exactly the same as all those books, except it's for young, fabulous and married women. i think it actually expects you to have read, or at least have a good knowledge that the previous books exist, or maybe the opposite. because the author takes exactly the same tone as all the rest of these books. you are already fabulous, now just make a few changes to be fabulous and married.

for some reason my mom got a subscription to ladies home journal and in the last week we got 2 issues. this is a very, very bad magazine for old boring people. one of the articles was how the author tried to go on a romantic date with her husband, they swore they wouldn't talk about bills, children etc. 5 minutes into dinner they started talking about the children, and then decided to go straight home after dinner to be with the kids. the concusion was not: oh my gosh, i'm old, boring and horrible. it was: yup, that's the way it is, i've grown out of all the fun and romanance and everything good, and i wouldn't have it any other way. the recipes aren't even any good.

now if you cross a much younger ladies home journal without all the depressing boring old people articles but still the same concerns about how to have fun, how to hang out with another couple when one is your friend and the other is the dumbest, worst person on earth etc with any one of those single girl books written by single girls who think the whole world revolves around them, you'll get this book.

i could have done with less condesending fake situations and a few more real life examples, recipes, and song lists.

conclusion: don't buy it for yourself. but it wouldn't make a half bad wedding shower gift. i read/skimmed through it in less than 2 hrs. the cover is cute, and there are a few cute illustrations inside. also, maybe someone who didn't spend months reading pastel colored self help/entertainment/reference books might find this book new and novel.

second conclusion: i should write a book. too bad i'm lazy.

manicure the vote

This is fantastic!

1000 Flowers

I'm considering making the $20 donation so I can get the nail files.

Meat cures?

I woke up again today with a sore throat. I totally thought I was over that on sunday, but I guess not. I had 2 large cups of tea this morning, but they did nothing to soothe my throat. Then I debated if i should eat my lunch or go buy Jamba Juice and vitamin shock my system into getting well. Somehow my leftover ravioli and meatballs sounded better, even though I didn't have an appetite when I started, and it looked rather disgusting all cold and congeled. But as I was eating i started to feel better. It wasn't just the food, because I ate breakfast. It was totally the meat. Meat made me feel better. But only while i was eating. It's back now. I just came back from the store though, and I'm hoping if i drink 1/4 gallon of orange juice in the next 3 hours it will help.

And speaking of oj, what happened to donald duck orange juice? It was no where to be found at the vons i went to. that stuff was good.

Now i'm thinking i should go home and marinade a steak in orange juice for dinner. Although, I bet that works better without the pulp.

Atari!

I was totally wrong. I got my two favorite atari games working. And video games are for me! at least Mr. Robot and Spare Change are. For those of you who haven't been blessed with these wondeful games, Mr. Robot is an obstacle course type thing that involves trampolines, conveyor belts, escalators, fire poles to slide down and alien fires to kill. It also has the best song I've ever heard come out of my atari. Spare change takes place at a carnival. You have to fill your token box with 18 tokens before the zerks fill their piggy bank with 5. If you do they put on a show for you. ahhhh. good times.

p.s. does anyone know if i can get the frogger song as a cell phone ring tone?

fashion police

Who excercises/dances in a thong. Not me. But, apparently the girl who stood in front of me in my belly dancing class does. it was quite visible through her white pants. if she was my friend i'd tell her. but since she's a stranger who takes too small steps i'll let her suffer the humiliation.

McMovie

I saw Supersize Me this week at the $3 theater. I was happy that i only had to pay $3 but even happier that i didn't have to get my ass on the freeway so i could go see it somewhere trendy like los angeles or santa monica. there were about 35 people in the theater with me. all of them were of average weight or below. not one single fat person was there.

it was exactly the movie i was expecting, no surprises. and it kept me entertained. i was very happy to see that his final conclusion was basically "stop the supersizing already, the food is bad enough in it's regular portion" this adds sense to the rumors that mc donalds is doing away with the supersizing because of the movie. no news story that covered it mentioned that was the guy's conclusion, so it didn't make any sense to me that the end of supersizing was a reaction to the movie. but apparently it does answer that. i blame shoddy reporting.

and now i want fries.

i may be getting a sore throat and i do have a headache, but i'm certainly not at the delirium stage of my cold yet. although i must be, because i'm sitting at work, and i swear that i'm listening to a conversation about whores. yes, women who get money for having sex. surely, this isn't happening in my office.

the twilight's last gleaming

I am not registered with a political party, I hoped that this would save me from getting all sorts of political crap in the mail the way my parents do. I am officially registered as "Decline to state," and have been since I've been for the last 6 years (wow, I'm old). And as you all know, I do lean a bit left. But, God bless the republicans!

First Lydia made me aware of the W Ketchup

then, today yahoo news reminded me of the ketchup and introduced me to
star spangled ice cream

You can buy 4 bottles of this ketchup for $20 including shipping. This seems a bit pricey, but the price goes down when you buy in bulk.

However, for the republican ice cream in various politically charged flavors you will be paying $76 for four quarts including shipping. That's $19 a pint. That's almost 8x than the low trader joe's price of $2.50 a pint for Ben and Jerrys you can. If i'm going to pay $76 dollars for ice cream I'm going to buy it by the bucket and fill a large bathtub and swim around. The republicans better have damn good ice cream if they expect to sell it.

And, better yet, for $5 a pint, plus $100 label design, plus shipping that includes dry ice packing that they warn you will be "signifigant" you can get your picture on the ice cream. Now, that would be a fantastic wedding favor. It beats my personalized water bottles idea by far.


God Bless America! The land of the people who will spend $19 on a pint of ice cream and not bat an eyelash.

garlic tofu scramble?

So, apparently the weekend of July 24 is the cool weekend to hold events. It is the weekend of the Gilroy Garlic Festival which I'm going to. It's the weekend of the cat olympics in Santa Monica. And it's the weekend of the LA Tofu festival, which i knew, but didn't know until monday that they food network is going to be there. If they're there, can they also be in Gilroy? or have they already been to gilroy too many times and they're just going to eat tofu? I will be sad if the food network doesn't show up in Gilroy. But not sad enough to not ride in a giant garlic, and get my picture taken with a giant garlic man. They probably wouldn't let me in anywhere else afterward anyway, on account of my garlic breath.

FAME!

Who knew fame news would spring up in 2004

Irene Cara's age?

Contesting

The Pillsbury bake off (oh my gosh, Microsoft word knows that Pillsbury is a word that should be capitalized and auto corrected it!) was 2 weekends ago. This threw me for a loop, because they don’t usually have it in the summer. And it was held in la. I wish I could have gone. I will when I get my makeover show. I bet I could have done my makovering there.

This is the million dollar recipe:
Oats 'n Honey Granola Pie

I’m planning on making it soon. I’ll be the judge of it being worth a million dollars.

You can go here to see all the entering recipes.

I’ve decided I need to enter contests, and I need to win more prizes. Unfortunately, it seems that people really need to dedicate themselves to winning prizes in order to do it. And I just can’t fully dedicate myself to a hobby that involves more than sitting on the couch. I’m hoping that when I start school again my need for procrastination can be filled by contests and cooking.

And, once again I’ll recommend Cookoff: Recipe fever in America by Amy Sutherland. I’m almost done with it and it’s very inspiring, well not so much inspiring as making me want to win contests.

required anime related post. sort of.

it was well stated in the movie mean girls, and i'm not sure anyone really had the guts to point it out before in such mass media, even though it was a well known phenomenon. girls are just dying for the opportunity to look like whores and still be socially accepted. not real whores, because real women who sell their services, are doing it for the cash and not as a hobby. they don’t put nearly the effort into their choice of clothing and lack thereof as the subset of anime girls. Now, most normal girls can only dress up in something truly skimpy one day a year, Halloween. Everyone will tell them how cool their costume is, the boys will notice them and the girls wearing more modest outfits will covet the attention or talk behind their backs, or both. For nerdy girls, this opportunity comes twice a year, Halloween and Anime Expo. And for the really geeky ones who stay in and hand out candy in their sweats, AX is the only chance they have.

Now, I have to say that this year either people were showing a bit more restraint, or I was blissfully not paying attention to the super ugly girls who were baring way too much skin. Besides a few girls and man faye I was pretty comfortable with people’s clothing choices. The super ugly girls are sad to begin with, but dressed up in little more than underwear and they become the saddest population, and makes one want to avoid conventions just to stay away from the unpleasantness. So, un-self-aware yet aware enough that they aren't sexy and dying to be sexy these girls equate very little clothing with being attractive, and you feel bad for them, yet not too bad because you’re forced to look at the train wreck that is them, and it’s not fun. To them I say, save up some money and then get a professional makeover, or sell your soul for a tv makeover. Everyone will be better for it, and once you’re attractive you can replace your fake anime friends with real ones. Just as a general rule, if you have to buy all of your clothes from the plus-sized section, please wear that clothing. You may be a lovely person, with lots of good qualities, you may even find a boy and get married one day. but you’re not going to attract anyone based on looks alone, please stop trying.

Then there is the other, super minority, the super-hot girls that you know are way too hot to like anime and be at the convention. Why are they there? It’s a completely mystery, because they could be in the Bahamas living a life of luxury being kept by some rich hunk. Maybe they’re too young, and the day they turn 21 they’ll be on that plane. Or maybe their robot will fly them there. To the girl in the red Chinese type dress who was showing a mile of leg, and the one in the furry bikini, god bless you for giving every geeky boy hope that one day he can meet someone half of your attractiveness and she will give him the time of day. Because these boys need hope. And those MPS boys are going home with a burst of inspiration because of Lydia’s dress. They’re going to win their next competition, and she’ll probably get a robot in the mail next week. And I’m very jealous of that. Note to the second mps boy from the right: I can’t help you build robots, but I’m a girl. If you want, I can paint them, or help you pick out fabric for the insides. And I will hook up with you if you let me drive the robot, you can park it though.

I should skip this whole library school thing and take up cosmotology, fashion and poise. I really need to work behind the scenes at a makeover place/show. I’m pretty sure my true calling is making people better at being themselves. Screw this whole defending free speech, free information and promoting literacy crap.

I'd like to thank the little people...

who knew i was such a trendsetter? as many times as i wore those ridiculous earrings from the late 80's to the early 90's. as often as i carried my dumb ornament sized teddy bear to school in middle school. nothing ever caught on. but now i guess i've blossomed. I am popular, a trendsetter if you will. People do things that i do. I experienced this a little with neopets. but this blog thing has really caught on because of me. i have to use my power for good, not evil. what should i make catch on next? suggestions?

I guess now is the time to put my toaster idea into action.

neo-topia

because all of you care, i'm letting you know that i got my neopets last night. and they're better than i imagined. right now in my house there are almost 30 happy meal neopets. wheeee!

i love my neopets. and i like to pretend my cat does too.

red, vodka and blue

there's a brand of vodka they're advertising in this week's Albertson's ads. I've never heard of it, but it's called UV Vodka and it comes in 3 colors, flavors actually, icee flavors. Red cherry, Blue raspberry and regular. Perfect for the 4th. except they're vodkas and they weigh the same so if you tried layering them to get a red white and blue drink you'd just end up with purple.

I haven't decided yet, but I think i like the blue raspberry alcohol concept.

the berry best

I was listening to an interview on the radio this morning with Puff Daddy, or whatever his name is. And, I came to the conclusion that I would totally like him if he spoke proper english. I already like the fact that he's not ashamed to be extragavant. He just needs to learn to talk.

He apparently is also a big fan of the library, even though he insists on calling it the li-berry. He said he knew he wanted to be in music, so he went to the library and read books on it and found himself an internship because of that. And the rest is history. He talked about how great the library is for at least 30 seconds, which is a lot in a short interview.

Maybe when I'm a librarian I'll get invited to his parties.