Two Brothers

Two Brothers may just be the adorablest movie ever. I don’t understand why no one thought it was very good. I can’t believe I waited this long to watch it.

Warning: Nothing but spoilers—like you don’t already know how a PG movie about tigers will end.

I don’t claim to know much about history, and I know even less about French history, but who cares about a freaking plot when you’ve got a movie full of tigers?! We open to see a totally hot Indiana Jones type stealing sacred statues from some generic south east Asian country, presumably Cambodia or Thailand. I looked it up on wikipedia, and tigers do live in both countries. So as Indy is camping out with all his less white friends there’s a disturbance, a scuffle, and he kills the mother tiger, and manages to pick up a baby cub and keep it like a housecat for like a day. After a long series of events, the cub gets sold to the circus. Meanwhile the dad and baby are safe, for now. Do males care for their cubs? I seriously doubt it. And according to wiki, also a no. But this one does. And in a later scuffle, he gets shot in the ear by a rather ineffective Asian royalty with a complex, while his white dumbass girlfriend gets elephant-sick. (that’s like carsick, but when you’re riding an elephant). The dad escapes, but the second baby gets scooped up by Indy, and given to the French ambassador’s son (the kid from the commercial). He only gets to keep his friend tiger who he plays hide and seek with, and sleeps next to him in bed, for a short while. Their stupid yappy dog decides to be a bitch, so the tiger semi-attacks, and he’s banished from the house, and given to the menagerie of the ineffective royalty.

Some boring things happen between the people. Time passes, and the tigers grow to teenagers, or maybe full grown, hard to tell with tigers. And ineffective royalty man decides to put on a tiger show. In one of the best movie burns ever, ineffective royalty man opens a large jewelry box in front of dumbass white girlfriend. She thinks he’s giving her a gigantic diamond/emerald/golden thing. But no, it’s the collar for his winning tiger. Even though, it seems the tiger has never fought before, everyone knows he’s the winner. So of course, the other tiger is the one that was sold to the circus. Now Indy knows it’s his tiger because he knows the circus owners. But the boy knows it’s his tiger because he just knows. So everyone is at the tiger fight, and it’s a huge stadium type thing. And the tigers are put into the arena and they start to fight, but then stop. They know they’re brothers and start to play and snuggle and generally be adorable. The whole audience awwws. And mostly everyone is relieved, because no one really wants to see the majestic creatures fight to the death. Everyone except the guys running the show. So they go in to try to get the tigers to fight. But each tiger protects his brother. And they’re able to escape. They run through the town having a grand old time, eating, taking a bath, and generally being adorable while terrorizing everyone. And eventually they make it back to the jungle.

The villagers are not pleased. So they send Indy and a team of a gajillion to burn down the jungle. Obviously the boy is not happy. He loves his tiger, and Indy isn’t thrilled either, but tigers raised in captivity never learn to hunt, and they’ll either starve, or start eating people, so the movie says. So the villagers carry the cans of gasoline miles and miles until they get to the right spot and start setting things on fire. Gosh, I think, it’s a good thing the circus tiger learned to jump through the fiery hoop. And, a few minutes later the circus tiger leads his brother through the fire to safety, saving them and proving they’re still capable of learning. Later we see them bathing in the river. The boy finds his tiger, and the tiger goes to him, and they hang out. And it’s adorable. And Indy goes there fully attempting to kill the tigers when his tiger goes up to him and is adorable. And the boy gives his tiger a good lecture about staying in the jungle and never returning to the village, that way he’ll be safe. Somehow the audience knows the tiger understands the boy.

So, the tigers wander off, happy to have found each other, happy with their relative peace and they start making their tiger noises. And a tiger answers in the distance. Who is it? Their father, of course. And we end with them all snuggling together, and a beam of sunlight shines through the hole that was shot in dad’s ear. Awwww!

I don’t know how they got those tigers to act like that, but those people were geniuses! Anyone who likes cats should see this movie. Those cats are awesome! This movie is much better than PBS or the Discovery Channel. I’m totally putting a tiger cub on my birthday list.