Why is McDonald’s so retarded?

I understand reinvention. But until they stop being a fast food restaurant that sells unhealthy, gross food served by people who don’t care, they’re not really fooling anyone.

And there are just too many conflicting commercials. Are they good for you? Is it for women? Is it for forgetful men who never pay attention? Is it for children? Is it just a lifestyle choice for everyone including children who are dumb enough to give scarves to plastic Ronald statues? Is it for people who like to pretend they’re being healthy by eating fried chicken breast strips, which in reality have more calories than a big mac?

And why do horrible people insist on calling it Mickey D’s? That’s a 3 syllable name, the same as McDonald’s. It’s not an abbreviation. And it’s certainly not cool?

And mostly, why, oh why, do I want a shamrock shake? They’re so good for the first minute. And then they turn on me, and I’m stuck with ¾ of a cup of minty, milky green swamp juice.
Does anyone born after 1975 actually like shamrock shakes? Do people even like McDonald’s shakes in general. I know Carl’s Jr. is pushing their new shakes hard, with that horribly offensive cow molesting commercial. But are milkshakes really a drink for the new millennium? They’re so packed full of calories and fat, and very much not Atkins-friendly. They only time they’re usually appealing to me is at a retro diner type place. And even then, I usually go for the chocolate coke.