gather 'round

I was swayed by Jessica Simpson and Miss Piggy and their horrible butchering of Nancy Sinatra. But, mostly I was swayed by my love of cheese and pizza hut. It was only a matter of time before those bites were going to pop right into me. And boy, was that a mistake.

In regards to full disclosure, I always prefer thicker crust to thinner crust. Pizza Hut pan pizza with chicken, onions and tomatoes is my favorite. Sausage is a close second, and pizza has the best sausage of all the major chains. When I think pizza hut I think pan pizza—regular and thin crust don’t even cross my mind. This is similar to my not making margaritas with salt, so when someone else makes them and they come with salt, I’m confused for a second.

Cheesy Bites pizza is thin crusted and floppy. And since you pull the crust off to eat separately, there’s nothing really to give it structure. The pizza itself is disappointing. And while the cheesy bite parts are greasy, garlicky and almost satisfying there is a very distinct margarine-y taste afterward. And don’t even get me started on the awful garlic dipping sauce. And the way the edges are connected to the pizza is disturbingly like Pillsbury crescent rolls.

I would expect Jessica Simpson to peddle a sub-par product. She’s not quite par herself. And she already has that horrible line of edible-but-not-really cosmetics. But I’m disappointed in Miss Piggy. Poor Jim must be spinning in his grave.