Belated LA Marathon rant

I am a bad person. That's fine. I can deal with that.

What I can't deal with are marathons. 26.2 miles of running? stupid. and because of my disdain, i'm not going to bother with searching for facts any longer than a few seconds. so here's how it goes:

2005 marks the 20th anniversary of the la marathon. I never paid attention before, but I always figured it had been going on since forever. but no, it's younger than me. 20 years is hardly an institution. i say cancel the damn thing.

in 2004 45,000ish people participated. i can only imagine the 2005 numbers were higher. they estimate the race will bring in 60 million dollars for the city because of hotels, food, shopping, parking etc. that's about 1,300 per person. i can't easily find the number of volunteers who are giving their time for free but I'll be conservate and knock the number down to $1,000 raised per person involved. that seems like a lot until you run some numbers.

I don't know much about training, but I know you can't just go and run a marathon. You have to practice. I'll estimate 1 hour a day for a year is spent training for this thing. so, each runner/walker/bicyclist/wheelchair person, will spend about 365 hrs of their year wasted, that's 16,425hrs wasted. if they worked at an average of $15-20/hr for that time that's $5,475-7,300 or what $246million, my calculator doesn't go that high. I have no idea what can be done with 16,425 hrs or those millions of dollars. but i can bet it could be really good. honestly people, spend your time and money curing cancer, solving the worlds problems, bringing peace to all lands.

and let's not forget all the lost productivity due to major roads being closed for a day.
the other thing no one ever mentions is all the freaks who didn't spend enough time training and need medical help along the way. trained medical personel are lined up along the race route waiting for someone to faint. the serious ones are taken to our already crowded hospitals, clogging up the emergency room for people who have real emergencies. I hope the guy who invented the marathon has a heart attack on race day, and then dies, because he can't get to the hospital. Let those people die, I say. We're much better off without the runners.

Is running 26.2 miles an accomplishment. Yes, probably, I certainly have never done and and definitely coudln't do it. But, I also have never felt the need to climb a mountain, have a kid, do something to get in the guiness book of records etc. Does your 26 mile accomplishment make the world a better place. Absolutely not. There is so much more productive stuff to do with your time. You know what a real accomplishment would be, figuring out how to make LA traffic better-- not closing down streets to make it worse!

Oh, and who's the major sponsor for the marathon? Honda. the people who make cars, and other forms of motorized transportation. should they really be encouraging people to not drive? isn't that bad for business?

Oh yes, there's an entrance fee for the race, so you can get your goodie bag covered in sponsor logos and products. You are not allowed to run on the public street unless you pay the fee. Every other day of the year it's free. Race day, pony up the cash, or you'll be kicked out.

For gosh sakes people, get over yourselves! go run 26 miles on your own street, if you really feel the need. It doesn't make it any less worthy (if you're the sort of person who defines your worth by running).

The same goes for charity events. The LA Marathon fools people into thinking it's a worthy cause, because other run/walks are, but it's not. Let's take breast cancer, for example though. This girl in my office participated. She got donations, and walked her little heart out, and has a crappy medal on a pink ribbon to show for it. Think of all the time it takes to coordinate something like that. And all the time (albeit less than the la marathon) the participants train. If they channeled their energy into something more scholarly, or at least something that would make money, they'd be much better off.

I love it when they sell you those pieces of paper at the grocery store, for chairty. The paper costs a penny or two (and I don't even fill it out, so I don't waste a penny) and I gladly make my $1 donation to which ever charity is the one of the moment. Everyone goes to the grocery store, awareness is automatic, advertising is free. If i was in a less lazy mood, i'd try to find numbers on that. But I'll just assume they rake in the money, and with very little effort on anyone's part. This should be the fundraising trend of the future. When I'm queen, it will in fact, be mandatory. marathons will be outlawed and anything that that closes the streets will have to be approved by my new street closing councils. you'd better darn well have a good reason for anything besides road work and parades in my honor.