The Pickup Artist

For those of you who don’t watch TV, there’s an amazing new show on VH1 called The Pickup Artist. 8 “loveable losers” live in a house together, and learn from the experts how to pick up women using the Mystery Method.

The problem is, the expert is basically a con artist, and a major i-want-to-stomp-on-his-toes freakshow. Seriously, just look at him. He calls himself Mystery, and with the help of his two friends who also have made up names (J-Dog and Matador) the inflict their nonsense on the world.

I was going to write a long diatribe about how much I hate Mystery, and how much I hate myself for loving this show. But, this girl has pretty much said everything for me. So read it.

Just to recap: Mystery has longer hair than I do, and wears more makeup and bigger accessories. He has this fuzzy hat that makes me want to die. And, it seems that during the eliminations, he always has a big red lipsticky kiss on his freakishly long neck. Seriously this guy is icky. If he approached me I would do my best to get away. If my mom saw him on the street, she’d freak out and cross to the other side. But, according to the show, and the internet, he gets chicks. Chicks much dumber than me, but chicks nonetheless. Anyone who takes advice from someone with that ridiculous hat deserves whatever happens to them…

As to be expected, my favorite contestant from the show is the one with the black plastic glasses, Spoon. Here’s his myspace and here’s a blog post by someone who has IMed with him. Unfortunately, he was the first one off the show. However, I am sure that Spoon no longer has trouble picking up girls.

That’s enough for now, expect much Mystery posting. Next week he takes off all the makeup and nonsense and makes the boys do storytime in a library. (at least he’s respectful of libraries). I’m counting the hours. It makes me hate myself... but oh well...