The Girls Next Door

I love the reality TV, and E! seems to have outdone themselves. The Girls Next Door is a show that follows 3 of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends around the mansion and films their daily lives. The show premiered on Sunday, and they haven’t stopped playing it.

There’s the “#1 girlfriend” who seems to live in Hef’s suite, Holly. She’s 25. She has 3 (I think) dogs, including 1 super fluffy retarded thing. She doesn’t do much that’s particularly notable, but she has been around the longest, so she knows how things go.

Then there’s the youngest girl, Kendra, she’s 20. She eerily reminds me of my cousin, physically and her speech patterns. She’s into fitness, and doesn’t seem to like being all dolled up and girly. Although, we see in the show, she’s always late. Her room is pretty unremarkable, has some fitness equipment, and a dog.

And there’s Bridget, still less than half Hef’s age at 31. In an alternate bizarro universe, she is the bizarro me. Her room is painted pink. The show is casting her as the smart one, and she’s in the process of getting a masters. So the first shot we see of her is at her computer, with a hello kitty mouse pad. She has various Hello Kitty accessories strewn about, pillows, alarm clock, lamp, you know the vibrator is there, somewhere. And she has the most retarded cat in all the universe! It seems to be a black Persian, but never in my life have I seen a grumpier, fluffier cat. It doesn’t seem to do much, it probably has too much fur to move, so it just sits with a sour expression on. I must get myself a cat like that. It makes that grumpy squelch cat look like a hairless sphynx.

And let’s not forget 79 years young Hef. I guess he’s old and needs a special diet, so he takes his own food along to restaurants.

Wow, what a life these people lead. Hef actually has a job. But the girls do their own thing in between very important trips to the salon. Sometimes their own thing is school, and sometimes it’s getting dressed in snowbunny outfits and going ice skating.

The best part of all: Hef keeps a pink Peeps Bunny pillow on his bed. The same $10 thing from Target that I have. Peeps bunny, Playboy bunny, same thing, right?

You should really watch the show. See how the other half lives.