National Treasure

I was doing some hand sewing last night, and against my better judgement, I ended up watching National Treasure. My dad had already started watching it when I wandered in to hunker down with my sequins, still not fully believing it was a real movie, fully expecting the energizer bunny or something to stomp through.

This movie is the Italian Job, for freaks like my dad who watch PBS specials about Ben Franklin for fun. Let's review:

Main character, Nick Cage- who has slightly less creepy eyes than usual in this movie
Slow to come around love interest, sexy archivist who is too young and pretty for creepy nick cage
Tech savvy kid-- I do have to admit I have a newly formed crush on this Justin Bartha boy now. he's the perfect age for me, and much more attractive than his imdb pic leads you to believe

They want the treasure that they believe exists.

Since I didn't see the beginning, I dont' really know the back story. But it's well hidden, with some help from some creepy ancient masons (they're all creepy). And guess what, the bad guys are after it too. and they've followed clues etc, and the next one is on the back of the declaration of independence. Yes, our founding fathers left a message in invisible ink on the back of, arguably, the most important document in the history of America. So, of course both the good and bad guys want to steal it. right, so at exactly the same time the good guys (through technology) adn teh bad guys (through force) break in. and it's a darn good thing we established a few mins earlier in teh movie that the darn thing is behind 3 inches of bullet proof glass, because guess what, nick cage needs to deflect some bullets!

blah, blah, blah. they save sexy archivist, or whatever her title is, from the bad guys, and she joins the team. so, how do we see the invisible ink? every child with a diy science experiment book knows invisible ink involves lemon juice and heat. but they're not going to iron the dec. of independence. so what do they do? nick cage and sexy archivist lady lean down together and softly breathe, and since they're so hot for eachother, even though they dont' know it yet, their collective breath shows part of the image. and techno savvy nerd boy looks on, no girl for nerd boy.

so they follow more fake clues and crap, nick cage, the obnoxious expert on everything american history, somehow doesn't realize about the crucial daylight savings time point, and the new love of my life, techno nerd boy rubs it in their face. blah blah blah daylight savings time, ben franklin, turkeys, whatever. and they take a brick out of a building and find some creepy ben franklin 3d trifocal glasses. etc, etc,

so the bad guys catch them, they find a church, go down a creepy tunnel through a tomb, hundreds, thousands of feet underground, thousands of feet of 300 year old wooden staircases, and of course no adventure movie would be complete without the ground you think is solid collapsing. but somehow, magically they make it to the bottom. and they reach a dead end.

the bad guys were pretty smart up to this point. they were always pretty much neck and neck with the good guys. but at the dead end, they believe it's a dead end and get pissed. now, any duck with a pith helmet and funny accent would know that if you've come that far, there's no way it's a dead end, and they'd start searching for hidden passages. but the bad guys apparently don't watch enough cartoons. and the good guys give them a fake clue, and the bad guys leave the good guys to rot in the hole, and go off in search of treasure.

when clear, nick cage finds the magic button, and they move to the next room. Empty! and they're freaking ready to give up! there's a long heartfelt talk, we all learn a lesson. until finally the dumbasses find the second magic button. and look, surprise! all the treasures from all the world. a strong rival to the Librarian's collection. nick cage, cage's dad and sexy archivist practically orgasm on the spot. Techno nerd boy gives a giant green statue a hug, having no idea what it is, but sure that it'll make him rich.

and they all live happily ever after. the bad guys go to jail. nick gets the girl, and a house. nerd boy gets a fancy car. and they all get to jet set around the world visiting all the museums that they treasure has been given to.

have i mentioned how much this nerd boy is exactly like seth green in the italian job?

Unfortunately, this wasn't the only bad movie I saw in the last few days. I was very excited to sit home on Friday and watch the muppet wizard of oz. boy was that a mistake! the songs were pathetic. the obnoxious shrip guy played the part of toto. and the wizard wasn't even a muppet! the poppy fields was a lame psychedelic night club, served no purpose at all. there were also a few jokes that were a bit too "adult" for the muppets. i was very sad. I liked the muppet christmas. hmmph. at least fozzie was an adorable lion!