How do you make an asparagus roll?

Push it down a hill!

But really, have you ever wondered what an asparagus roll is? I didn't until last night, when it was on the menu.

The Union Cattle, a trendy sort of steakhouse that tranforms completely into a bar at night, in the vein of the Cattle Ranch (only nicer and smaller, with slightly cheaper parking), got a new menu. (not updated yet on the website). And they advertised in the paper 50% off all food m-th of this week. So I went yesterday. and it was great, nice cuts of beef, good sides, but a bit pricy. At half off I managed to spend $24. The leftovers I had today for lunch were equally as good as yesterday. I think sitting overnight gave the bacon a good long time to soak into the meat.

Most of the appetizers sounded pretty normal: onion straws, shrimp cocktail, quesidillas etc. Then there was the asparagus roll. I can't remember how it was described, but all 3 of us, independently figured it would be some sort of dumpling/hush puppy type thing. I think we're conditioned to think that "roll" usually denotes a round piece of bread. Instead we get a platter of something that looks 4 full asparagus stalks wrapped in white bread. white bread is about 4-5 inches long. the asparagus was about 8-9 inches long. "oh, so that's an asparagus roll" was the general consensus.

Here's how I imagine this works, even though I'm pretty sure the whole thing is actually baked together:

take some kind of square white bread, cut off the crusts, smoosh it flat spread one side with butter, grill lightly. add bleu cheese to the not grilled side, add a hot piece of asparagus to melt the cheese a bit and roll. repeat 3 times. serve with a side of bleu cheese dressing.

as a whole, it was pretty okay. I'm glad my curiosity is satisfied, but I would't order it again. and at $2.75, it wasn't much of an investment. the asparagus was cooked strangely, or maybe it was just strange itself. it was pretty dense and a little too mushy on the outside for finger food. and eating the part involving the bread roll gave me a familiar sensation that took me a minute to place. the bread was mushy on the inside exactly the way that the hot dogs covered in pillsbury crescent rolls from my childhood were. so maybe this is a good way to get kids to eat vegetables.

More about UCC. they have 4 of their own beers, a pale, an amber, a hefe, and something else, but based on the colors represented, maybe a dark one? obviously, i tried the hefeweizen. it was decent, nothing special. It was served with one of those fancy drink slices of lemon, not something substantial enough to add much flavor. But for only $3 it may be the best deal in the place. I know I definitely got there after happy hour, so i'm inclined to believe that's the price at all times.

They have a mechanical bull. It costs $5 to ride. No one was drinking very heavily, and only the young children were playing. Yes, if you're a kid a mechanical bull looks like fantastic fun. But if you're a bit more grown up and you understand why grown ups like the mechanical bull, it's just a little creepy. Creepy like the article in last week's daily breeze about teaching children belly dancing, because it builds self-esteem.

Paraphrased: "It cost's $5 to ride the bull?? even for girls?? isn't that the whole point of the bull, to watch hot girls ride? shouldn't it be free? don't you think they sell enough drinks to make up for the cost?" says Ryan

Yes, of course I agree. Girls shouldn't have to pay for anything, especially things related to, and suggesting sex. I was outraged when the bouncer tried to make us pay full price to crash Matt's bachelor party. But nothing ever came of the conversation. Maybe though, one night after a few too many $3 beers, some kind-hearted boy with ulterior motives will pay my way on the mechanical bull. Or maybe I'll break down and pay the $5 myself, which will cause plenty of ulterior motived boys to talk to me.

wow, this post got really long.