I am the fashion police

I was feeling a bit of stress, so I decided to not do that anymore. And, I watched about 12 hrs of Oscar coverage on Sunday. Yes, from 9am - 9pm my tv was on, and tuned to the absolute fluff of the oscars.

Absolutely nothing happens between 9-3, so they invent fun stuff to do like interview the jewelers and dress makers and wolfgang puck etc. For some reason Jen, the Bachelortte, was a pre-show correspondent. I honestly don't remember much from the 9-3 time period. I do know that they were severely lacking on the coverage of the food and decor at the various parties around town. Wolfgang puck was there with his usual oscar shaped food for the governors ball, but that was about it. we hardly glanced at the decor. And the vanity fair party was mentioned, but was nowhere to be found (unless i was napping when they showed it. and the rest of the parties weren't even mentioned. I just couldn't believe it.

the 3-5 hr is when it all happens. TV guide channel with the rivers family, and E! with the Star Jones/Kathy Griffin pair. Oh dear was it a train wreck. I started off the the Rivers family. TV Guide shelled out a few million to get diamond and ruby encrusted microphones. From TV they pretty much looked like cheap rhinestones. Not to be outdone, Starr Jones, on the red carpet had a shiny E! mic, but I never found out the value. Granted a few seconds of research could answer this, but I don't really care. As far as microphones go, E! wins. And it was a good thing too, because it helped distract from that hideous roll of back fat on Starr. Honestly, what was she thinking, What was her designer thinking. How could E! air that. I may have to complain to the FCC. On the other hand, as long as you didn't listen to her (and I used to really like her) Joan looked better than she has in years. She must have gotten a better surgeon with the $8million tv guide channel contract money. Surprisingly, Kathy Griffin was the prettiest host of the evening, including all those model types that E! hires for the pre-preshow. Kathy's dress really worked for her, it was a great color, and her hair was fantastic.

There weren't a lot of complete fashion disasters this year, ignoring Carlos Santana. There were, however, a lot of women who just don't understand their boobs. Luckily that awful greek goddess thing from the golden globes seemed to have dried up. The trend yesterday seems to have been dresses that look plain on top, but have fancy skirts. They mostly looked really good when you got the head to toe view, but you rarely did.

My biggest shock of the night was Beyonce. Granted, I have no idea what the kids are up to these days. But I was pretty sure the only things beyonce ever wore made her look like a whore. But she was absolutely beautiful with all her costume changes last night.
Beyonce arrives, looking very classy, in some fantastic earrings
Beyonce in phantom
Beyonce as disco ball : it looked so beautiful on tv. this pic kinda sucks

Kate Blanchett
I'm voting her prettiest and best dressed. I couldn't stop looking at her. Usually I'm against one shoulder dresses, but this one really worked. And, unlike most one shoulder dresses, it covered her other boob correctly. Also, i'm usually anti-yellow, but her dress was fantastic. Her hair and makeup was pristine, not to mention that I really like blondes with curls. Too bad this picture is so crappy

Scarlett Johansson: Very pretty, very young, and very blonde. Those jewels in her hair were fantastic. Hers was one of the dresses that looked a little plain, until you saw the whole thing, but she really made it work.

Kate Winslet: Knows her boobs.
I'm not sure her dress was quite spectacular enough for the oscars, but it was very pretty. And her clevage worked, very much natural and undistorted, she shapes the dress, the dress doesn't shape her.

Gwenneth Paltrow: The worst case of not knowing her boobs. Seriously quadra-boob is not a good look, ever, and especially not for the oscars. And her dress had the potential to be very good.

Hilary Swank: I'm going to get a lot of crap for this, but her dress was ugly, and, half the time you could see her nipples. The make products just to solve that problem. Perhaps they should be used. When you only saw her top half, from the front it looked like she was just wearing a long sleeve t-shirt.

Charlieze theron: pretty dress, not such great clevage

Renee Zellweger: usually I love her. her dress was nice, wasn't quite spectacular enough for the show though
Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek: come on girls, know you boobs. if you are going to contort your boobs into shapes they aren't it shouldn't be visible. i don't know why people can't understand this simple conceptboobs=

that's quite enough for now. i hope all the stupid links work, but i'm not about to fix them again. so you're on your own.