Martha

Y’all know I *heart* reality tv, mostly because it’s as far from my reality as I can imagine.

And the first season of the Apprentice, I didn’t miss an episode. Amazing things were happening on tv. But it didn’t take me long to start questioning it. You see, what makes for good TV, doesn’t necessarily make for a good leader of a high finance company. Donald Trump doesn’t sell lemonade to construction workers, that’s not even a skill I would admire. Do you want a retail store clerk? Or do you want someone to be proficient with the contracts to HIRE construction companies…

I've been so preoccupied, I almost forgot to watch the new one that started last night.

Martha Stewart’s new apprentice is no different. They have a George look-alike, and Martha’s daughter (who wishes that anyone but Martha was her mother) takes over for Carolyn. They don’t have a “boardroom” in the Martha building, she says. Although they gather in a conference room with a long table that will be the boardroom, and except for the difference between light glass and The Donald’s dark wood, there’s no difference. Martha, the ultimate hostess is nothing but cheerful and gracious at first. The suite the contestants are staying in is much more homey than the previous apprentice, although I question if it’s decked out with Martha’s Kmart line. She leaves them a handwritten note and a bunch of champagne, fruit and cheese. “To Good Things,” they toast. And the next morning when they get “the call,” it’s Martha herself.

This is what she does. The ultimate hostess gives everything a personal touch. And if you have boundless amounts of money, you can do that.

So, the challenge is issued. Make a childrens book, in like, a day. Update a classic fairy tale to be relevant to kids today. What does this have to do with anything? I have no idea. And, if you haven’t noticed, fairy tales are pretty much timeless, that’s why they keep telling them….They have to write the story, get it illustrated and read it to a focus group of kids. I don’t know about you, but if I wanted to hire an executive for my multi-conglomerate, I wouldn’t ask about their ability to write books. That’s what authors are for.

But the contestants don’t care. Obviously they’re all crazy, because who would want to work for crazy-lady Martha? I think her public falling outs have been public enough. I know I’ve hated her since that horrible day when she forced all of America to watch her cut confetti with a rotary cutter, like it was some amazing skill only she could bestow to us. But I wanted this show to be good.

The ever perfect hostess, does not fire people. She tells them they just don’t fit in. And then handwrites a thank-you note, or something. Her and Miss Manners, the only 2 people left in world who care about handwritten notes. But the issue really is with telling people they don’t fit in. Martha of all people, you’d think, wouldn’t want corporate clones. She needs the creative people to keep feeding her projects so she can look smart on TV, or else we’re in for a whole ‘nother round of confetti.

I was hoping this show would fall in line with the fabulous Craft Corner Deathmatch. Instead it’s just another group of business minded people bickering with each other and embarrassing themselves on TV. But I’ll watch it, unless it gets too horrible. I’m going to try to stay away from Trump’s show this time, though.