The world tastes good because the candyman thinks it should

Charlie and the Chocolate factory is so attractive [I] must see it on the big screen and not wait two months for the DVD. So attractive, in fact, that I can’t get my money out fast enough to pay for the IMAX experience. Kenny, we’re still on for this weekend, right?

I mostly dislike going to see movies. You all know how few I see. Yes, I hate high prices. Yes, I hate paying the high prices and then being forced to watch commercials. Commercials, you see, are commercial. They should actually be there to defray the cost of the movie for the public. I think there’s a model for that already, it’s called TV.

But when it comes down to it, I’m too lazy and too prissy to see movies. First I have to drive my ass all the way to the theater. Then a parking spot needs to be found. Then there’s the wait in line. And the encounter with the minimum wage ticker seller who would rather I just die. If you want snacks you have to pay in cash, wait time and blood. Then there’s the wait in the sticky, dirty, gross theater full of questionable people who you have to share the air with, who brush past you, the people whose conversatons you have to overhear, and the sticky, dirty gross children who really should just die. When we were little, my mom was obsessed with us dressing properly for the movie. Full on shoes, long pants, at least short sleeves, hair in a pony tail—all to minimize contact with questionable moviegoing surfaces. Then the lights go down, and I have to worry about terrorists, or stabbings. (okay, I don’t do that, but my mom tells me I should.)

Finally, when the movie starts I’m so exausted from all that, my jaded self defense mechanisms are exausted too. I forget that I hate movies and enjoy the show. Until next time, when it happens again.

I love couches and I love tv. I don’t have to get dressed, I don’t have to remember to pack a sweater on a 90 degree day. And, no strangers have ever been on my couch. The only grime is from my family, friends and cat. Everyone who has ever been on my couch is a quality person.

Last night my couch and I, in preparation for the new movie, watched my recorded-off-cable-15-years-ago copy of Willy Wonka and Chocolate Factory. It seems the only parts I remember are Charlie finding the golden ticket and the inside of the factory. It took them like 45 mins to get inside the factory. Who knew? IMDB says they edit out a lot of the pre-factory stuff for tv showings, and they should! Also, It’s much less spectacular than I remember it being. It could be because of my copy, but I doubt it makes that much difference. It doesn’t matter much though, next time I order from amazon I’ll probably buy the DVD. It will cost about the same as 1 ticket for the new movie.