non-princess ISO boy and tiara

I was out shopping this weekend, and as usual, I somehow ended up
at Victoria's Secret. But what I found was far from usual. The most
fantastic/retarded thing just appeared before my eyes. They are
selling a pouch that contains:

1. rhinestone tiara
2. sash (like Miss America, or Mrs. Banks from Mary Poppins wears)
that says "sexy lil thing"
3. thong

I can't for the life of me figure out who gave approval to
manufacture that. And I'm not sure who the audience is that they're
expecting to purchase it. But I want one!

The friend I was shopping with was not particularly encouraging, so
I didn't buy it for myself. And later on, I did admit that it
really is the sort of thing that should be gifted to you, not the
sort of thing you should buy for yourself. I, of course, would
return the favor with cookies, or muffins, or maybe even an icebox pie.

I'm looking for a boy who will buy me a tiara and sash, and
occasionally encourage my whims when I want to pretend to be a
beauty queen or a suffragette. This is in contrast to my regular
life as a grad student studying to be a librarian.

In addition to my aspirations of sash wearing, I enjoy watching
children's shows on tv, cooking and belly dancing. I dislike busy
work, gyms and people who lack imagination.